eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
