remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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