so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
