So drunk its hurt
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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