Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
