I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
