I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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