that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
