I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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