coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
