Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
