How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
