Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
