Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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