Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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