You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
