Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
