The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
