You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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