My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hippo gnu deer
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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