dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
