Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
