Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
