Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
