I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
