Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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