i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am available for nakedness
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
