Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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