i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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