Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ttyl tear gas
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
