last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My vagina is officially offended.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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