Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
