does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize