No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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