omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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