I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
