Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
