Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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