I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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