Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Will exercising make me less horny?
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