Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
3pm strippers are depressing
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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