when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
