i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
