He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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