guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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