So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
