And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
