we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
