I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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We are two peas in an std pod
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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