what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
