Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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