Betty ford says i'm here all night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
