you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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