Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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