you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
