This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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