you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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