Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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