God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
