like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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