After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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