Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
