my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Still dying that you shit outside
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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