Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
