sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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