apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize