Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
