Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
being pregnant is like rehab
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
